As some of y'all know, my "day job" is to work at a Montessori school as a speech-language pathologist, supporting kids from pre-K all the way up through high school. Yesterday at work, I was asked by a fourth-grader, "Are you pregnant?" -- and here I was, thinking I was rocking my jeggings and empire-waist tunic. LOL! I love how kids just totally KEEP IT REAL.
In that instant, I had the choice about how I would react to this sweet and curious boy-child: I could choose to feel offended and insulted, and shame him for asking me, OR, I could just own the truth, which is that I am a 41-year old mother of two, and my belly isn't flat!
Feeling solidarity with the imminently lovable Jennifer Garner, I decided to reciprocate the REALNESS modeled by my young friend, and take advantage of this teachable moment; so I said with ease, "No, I'm not pregnant, but I do have kind of a squishy tummy, don't I? I have two kids, so I guess I'll always have a little bit of baby belly. That's just how mamas' bodies work: we have babies, and then we have some of that bump left over!" (And, sidenote: My kids both *love* my snuggly mama belly. As a toddler, my daughter began calling it my pelly-belly, and both kids still use that term to this day.)
He immediately made the connection, and said, "Yeah! My mom has a squishy belly too, and she had THREE kids! I guess she has a lot left over." And then he went off, back to work. No judgement; just understanding.
Rather than feeling self-conscious about my body, I left feeling thankful for that opportunity to model to a boy - and the male teacher who was standing next to me, listening to the interaction - that YES, I have a squishy belly, and YES, THAT IS NORMAL FOR A GROWN WOMAN.
A tiny seed, I know, but maybe that seed will grow into an awareness that will help this child combat the *constant* onslaught of completely unrealistic depictions of women in our media. (And yes, I want to say that *of course* there are some grown women, including mamas, who do have flat tummies, and to them I say, rock your six-pack, Sister! I just have to stand up and claim a little piece of the world for those of us who don't!)
This issue just goes so deep for us women -- it is such a trigger -- and I want to tell you, it's not really this boy's fault at all that he has no idea how much amazing variety there is in women's bodies. Our culture is scrubbed clean of ANY images of women that don't conform to the current cultural standard of female beauty (click here to see more on that
), that other than their own mothers, when do any children have the opportunity to really SEE grown women's bodies? The sad answer is: porn, and the completely unrealistic products advertising industry. And that's about it.
So rather than getting offended, or continue to be slaves to the brainwashing that robs us of our female power, maybe we can each make a little space to just own our belly, even our leftover baby bump. As Jennifer says, "Let's just all settle in and get used to it. It's not going anywhere."
Today is the International Day of the Girl Child
. Initiated in 2012, this United Nations event is focused on girls’ human rights by addressing the various forms of discrimination and abuse suffered by girl children around the world. A theme is chosen each year, and this year’s theme is especially moving: “Empowering Adolescent girls: Ending the cycle of violence.”
More than just a day to despair over the harsh reality of millions of girls that share our planet, this is our opportunity as Sacred Feminists and women of the New Matriarchy to work within our sphere of influence to truly make a difference in the life of those who will inherit the Earth. The vibration around feminine empowerment is becoming more and more elevated with each passing year, and we need only look to the most recent recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize
to see evidence of this. The tide is shifting, and we can all be a part of the wave of transformation that is happening around us each day.
Today, on this significant International Day of the Girl Child, let us all pause, reflect, and identify how we can lift up the girls who share this world with us. Your contribution need not be monetary; the gift of your time, your voice, or your gently used resources are indeed invaluable to the girls in your community and to our global community. Together we have the power to ensure that today’s world will not be our daughters’ inheritance.
In honor of The Mother-Daughter Nest
chose to honor and support the works of Project Safe
, located in Athens, Georgia. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, an estimated 1.3 million women in the United States are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year, and one in four American women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.
Who are these women? They are women just like you and me; they live in our neighborhoods and their children go to school with our children. Our sisters (and their children) living with domestic violence come from all different age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status groups. They need support in leaving these situations, both for their immediate safety, and for that of future generations. Witnessing violence between one’s parents or caretakers is *the strongest risk factor*of transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next. Therefore, supporting women in leaving violent situations is one of the most powerful ways we can change our community, now and forever.
Project Safe works to end domestic violence through crisis intervention, ongoing supportive services, and prevention and education in the community. We can support their efforts by volunteering our time, making monetary donations, or donating items to the Project Safe Thrift Store. Today, in honor of International Day of the Girl Child, my daughter Della and I collected toys, games, and clothing items that she no longer uses. Together we sent a blessing to the little sisters that will be inheriting them, and in honor of The Mother-Daughter Nest, we took them to the Project Safe Thrift Store, where they will be given at no charge to the children of our most courageous and deserving sisters.
To honor our youngest sisters the world over, Amy
contributed $100 on behalf of Red Tent :: Louisville to 50cents.period
, a nonprofit organization whose mission is to empower women and girls to stay fully engaged in their lives and educations without the stigma and barriers surrounding their period, gender, and reproductive choices.
Girls the world over are subject to psycho-emotional, spiritual, and physical violence resulting from the experience of menstruation and the systematic lack of education about their physical bodies. As girls and women, it is our birthright to know and understand the facts about menstruation and reproduction so that we can all make healthy and empowered choices that support our well-being. A gift of just 50 cents provides one package of sanitary pads to a woman in need. A gift of $100 provides a year’s supply of pads, underwear, and 8 hours of health education for one woman or girl. By supporting this organization, we support the education, empowerment, and health of girls across the globe. “Study after study shows that around the world and here at home, the surest way to lift a family or community is to lift a woman. When a woman rises, she brings her family and her community up with her. If your goal is world improving, the safest, most effective entry point is WOMEN. We live in a time that tells us that women must grab from each other. That there is not enough love, time, attention, money, and recognition to go around and so if you want to rise, you must push down the woman next to you. WE BELIEVE THAT THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE. We believe that the surest way to rise is to LIFT UP the woman beside you, in front of you, and behind you. And so we intentionally lift her up with a kind word, a smile, a prayer, a dollar. And the second we do, we feel ourselves rise with her.”
-- Glennon Doyle
Share with us what you did to honor International Day of the Girl Child and let’s inspire one another. In Sisterhood, Melia and Amy
As women of the New Matriarchy, we are ever-evolving in our commitment to self-care and the connection to our hormonal and energetic cycles. Learning from each other what most of us never learned from our mothers, we continue to piece together the beautiful tapestry of what it means to be a woman with a menstrual cycle. The energetic vibration around the Sacred Feminine experience continues to rise on an individual level, and across the globe as a whole. We as women, and as a culture, are ready to shed the legacy of shame that our fore-mothers inherited, and in turn, passed on to us. Conscious of being role-models for a new generation of empowered young women -- and the young men who will presumably be partners to these young women, and fathers of their own daughters -- we are ready to leave the well-worn trail of physical and emotional disconnection from our cycles, and are instead intentionally walking a long-forgotten path of empowered embodiment, searching for guide-posts along our way, and leaving bread-crumbs for our sisters who come behind us.
So many of us are inspired to integrate the inherent wild wisdom of our cycle, and the practice of self-care, into our daily lives, but we may not have been raised with the tools and language to create this positive change for ourselves. We may ask ourselves, How do I teach my children, and those in my life, to honor me as I learn to honor myself?
The use of metaphor is powerful means of engaging our loved ones with the beautiful rhythm of our cycles. Depending on the age of your child(ren), your family's spirituality path, and your own resonance with your body's rhythm, you may find one of the following analogies a helpful tool in creating personal ritual around your cycle, practicing sacred self-care, shifting the awareness of those around you, and raising the vibration of your home.
:: The Nest ::
For our youngest children, the analogy of the nest is a beautiful and accessible way to help them connect with the the purpose and rhythm of our womb. A nature walk with the intent of spying a nest (perhaps staged before-hand by you, if you aren't confident that you will be able to find one spontaneously; a squirrel dray would also work in a pinch), or showing our littles a found nest is a lovely opportunity to open the door for the discussion of our womb wisdom.
As with the mama bird, we can explain, human mamas create a nest for their babies, too. Our nest, however, is built right inside of our bodies where it is safe and warm. Each month, we build a nest just in case a baby is meant to come to us. And each month, if there is no baby, our body sheds the nest that is no longer needed. Building, releasing; this is the way of the woman's body.
We can explain to our children that the building and releasing takes a lot of energy, and that mamas need extra quiet and rest and gentle slowness during the releasing time of their rhythm.
:: The Seasons ::
If our children are old enough to understand the changing of the seasons, using the wheel of the year is a potent means of creating the connection with our monthly rhythm. Sharing the idea that each season represents a week of our (roughly) 28-day cycle allows us to deeply explore our physical sensations, emotional and energetic predispositions, needs, and strengths associated with each phase of or rhythm. Do we feel at times that we are in touch with our powerful potential, our outgoing exuberance, as in spring? Do we feel the power of shedding what no longer serves us in autumn? Sharing this with our children (and/or partners) helps them to connect to their first-hand understanding of the shifts in nature that our mirrored in our own female bodies.
This idea is described in beautiful and inspiring detail by Suzanne Mathis McQueen in her book
4 Seasons in 4 Weeks. I highly recommend this book for all women as a means of reconnecting to our inherent womb wisdom, and as a means of learning a new, positive language with which to describe our cycles.
Suzanne's analogy connects our bleeding week with autumn, pre-ovulation with winter, ovulation with spring, and pre-menstruation with summer. Her pairings may resonate perfectly with you, or you may find that you make sense of your seasons in a different way; rest assured there is no right or wrong way to use this analogy. The power comes from the knowledge that you have of your own cycle, and using that wisdom to map to the seasonal blueprint that works best for you.
:: The Tides ::
Many of my dearest sisters feel a deep connection to the ocean, and are drawn to the beach or shore by the hypnotic rhythm of the tides. Our internal ebb and flow is palpable, as we too are bodies of water. For those with a strong connection to the sea, using the analogy of the tides is an engaging way to help our children understand our cycle. As predictable as the waves rushing in and then rolling back out again, our menstrual cycle builds powerfully during the first phase until it crests at ovulation, and then inevitably flows back out again. Energetically, physically, and emotionally, we are sisters to the sea in our mutual building and releasing.
:: The Moon ::
Look to the night sky for another illuminating metaphor; the waxing and waning of the moon is not only symbolic of our monthly cycle, but indeed linked on a hormonal level to our rhythm of ovulation and bleeding. The word menstruation, in fact, is a derivative of the Greet root mene, meaning moon.
Prior to the use of artificial lighting, women the world over ovulated in sync with the full moon, and bled on the new moon. With the introduction of electricity, however, our natural rhythm was inexorably disrupted and disconnected.
We can still honor our inherent lunar legacy, however, by using the analogy of the moon with our nearest and dearest. Employing the new moon in her dark beauty to represent our menstrual blood, we can share with our children that this is the time for releasing the past and beginning the cycle anew, starting over; a time for resting and quiet. Little by little, the moon grows again each night, as our womb rebuilds herself for fourteen days, in anticipation of the egg - ovulation - symbolized beautifully by the full, round moon . . . when we are at our most brilliant and luminous. And as with the moon, our womb begins to wane, night by night, until we bleed again.
Whether you feel inspired by one of these analogies or choose one of your own, setting the intention to connect with your family in honoring your cycle demonstrates a love and respect for yourself that invites love and respect from them in return. With the foundation of reverence and understanding firmly in place, your practice of sacred self-care will be integrated harmoniously into the rhythm of your cycle, and the rhythm of your life.